• Caitlin Cantor

Dear Caitlin - He is younger and was a soldier...

Dear Caitlin,


Dating a new guy after 17 yrs of marriage he is younger and was a soldier. He has some issues with PTSD but he is so very kind and loving. Im just wanting to know if I am moving to quickly since I have developed real feelings toward him I have been alone for a year did not date anyone and this is the first guy whom I have real interest in?



Dear Anonymous2,


Congratulations on putting yourself out there after 17 years of marriage!! It can be scary to put yourself out there to date after such a long time away from the dating world.


You didn’t mention how long you’ve been with him or what moving too quickly means in your situation, but if you’re worried you’re moving too fast, do the following journaling exercise:


  1. Sit comfortably in a chair and spend a few minutes breathing and getting connected to your breath

  2. Look inside yourself for the part of you that is worried you're moving too fast (keep in mind that is ONE part of you, and there are other parts that want to move forward….these parts are in conflict). Get connected to that worried part of you.

  3. Get a journal and a pen, and invite that part of you to flow through you, onto the pages of your journal. Let that part of you speak until that part has said all it has to say.


By doing this (feel free to do it more than once), you can get to know the part of you who is concerned. In our minds, these parts just bounce back and forth, and we never get to really understand what the hesitation or fear really is. By giving that one part of yourself space through this journaling exercise, you can get clear on what your fears are. Then, you can consider those fears, and determine whether they are valid, and you are indeed moving too fast, or, if those thoughts are mostly fears about getting hurt. From there, you can decide what action you want to take, if any.


Xo,

Caitlin


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