Dear Caitlin No. 8: Why do I keep getting “ghosted”?

Dear Caitlin,


Why do I keep getting “ghosted”? This is the second time that it’s happened recently. Everything goes great for at least a month or going on dates talking daily then randomly one day I never get a text back? I’ve tried contacting after being left on read and don’t get a response.


~Frustrated

 

Dear Frustrated,


Unfortunately, in our modern day dating world, ghosting is par for the course. It’s unfortunate because we “should” treat each other with more respect and consideration, but the world of dating is unlike any other world, and it can be quite brutal.


Ghosting is not considerate, respectful or kind. It’s appropriate and ok to feel hurt when it happens. It’s important, however, not to make it reflective of your self-worth. Let yourself feel hurt. Let yourself feel angry. Let the person’s behavior and actions speak to who THEY are, not who YOU are.


Knowing that ghosting is common in the dating world, you can go into the dating world wearing a little more “armor”. Seeing someone for a month is a very short time, and not enough time to trust that they are going to stick around. It’s also not enough time to know them, which means it’s not enough time to trust them. Until you really know the person you’re seeing, stay guarded. Don’t trust someone until they’ve earned it. This way, if someone ghosts you, you won’t feel completely blindsided. It never feels good to be ghosted, but if you trust someone to show up and they ghost you, that hurts even more.


Again, the dating world is unlike any other world. In most areas of your life, you may not need to be as self-protective. In many environments, you can trust people until they give you reason not to. But in the dating world, it’s best not to trust people until they earn that trust.


Xo,

Caitlin

 

Need advice on dating, relationships, self-worth, boundaries, break-ups, or mental health? Send your questions anonymously and Caitlin will answer in an upcoming Dear Caitlin column! Fill out the application below!


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