top of page

Romanticized Expectations Make Dating Harder

Let's check in on your dating and relationship mindset.

Dating is hard. But, sometimes, we make it harder than it needs to be. One way we do this is by having romanticized expectations. Romanticized expectations are unrealistic expectations of dating, where you imagine it being better and easier than it really is. For example, if you go into first dates (or even third dates) imagining that the person could be “the one,” you’ll be disappointed almost every time. The time will come when you meet the right person (or “the one”), but most people have to kiss a lot of frogs before meeting them. If you expect anyone you vibe with via text or a phone call—or even a first date—to be right for you, you have romanticized expectations, and you’re setting yourself up for way more disappointment than is necessary. The hard truth is that most people you go out with won’t be right for you. Finding a compatible partner isn’t that easy. Nothing worth doing ever is. Now, this isn’t all gloom and doom. The problem isn’t that most people won’t be right for you. The problem is expecting that they will be. That’s what sets you up for disappointment and self-doubt. It’s just like going shopping for a new dress. You often have to try on a bunch of them before you find the right one. But you know you’ll have to do that, so you’re not disappointed when the first dress isn’t right (and if the dress example doesn’t fit for you, think of something else that isn’t easy to find).

Knowing that most people you go out with won’t be right for you helps you have the right mindset. Go into dating a new person with no expectations. Instead, be curious and gather data about who they are and how you feel about them. That data will inform you as to whether this person is someone to continue seeing and, eventually, if you’ve found a compatible partner. You may feel disappointed if the data shows you the person you’re seeing isn’t compatible, but you’ll know that’s a normal part of the process. You won’t think it happened because you’re unworthy of love. Removing that from your mind makes dating far easier.

Having realistic expectations is a key dating skill.

Read the rest of the blog and find out the difference between a dating journey that demolishes your self-esteem and keeps you single, or one that is sustainable so you can keep going with self-esteem and find the right person faster in my newest substack:

10 views0 comments

Bình luận

bottom of page