First Date Red Flags

Dating can feel exhausting (and sometimes even traumatizing). When you waste your time and emotions on people who don’t treat you well and who are emotionally unavailable, you end up feeling like shit about yourself and hopeless about the future...…#beenthere.

However, dating isn’t painful when you eliminate the wrong people right away. The best way to stop wasting time with the wrong people is to identify red flags on the first date. That way, you can eliminate the wrong people before you get involved or attached, and before you end up hurt. Once you know what the first date red flags are, you’ll be able to identify them right away, which is a dating game changer. Say goodbye to dating exhaustion, and hello to feeling empowered.


Eliminating the wrong people early on not only saves you from continuing to have a terrible dating experience, but you will also find the right person much faster. The less time you waste, the better.


This is a list of red flags that show up on first dates. If you experience any of the following red flags, move on to someone else:

  1. They talk about sex. This is a red flag because someone who respects you won’t think it’s ok to do this. They’ll know having sex with you is a privilege they aren’t entitled to. Someone looking for a relationship will be concerned with treating you well and making sure you’re comfortable. They’ll worry that if they talk about sex, it will make them look like an asshole, which it will.

  2. They talk about their ex. Someone who is interested in treating you well and making sure not to scare you off won’t bring up their ex. Someone who does isn’t being considerate of the fact that they are supposed to be out with YOU, making YOU feel special. Talking about an ex is not going to make you feel special. If YOU bring up their ex, that’s different. But there’s no reason someone should be talking about their ex on a first date.

  3. They are talking about your future together. This is a sign of love bombing. There is nothing wrong with talking about another date. But if they’re telling you about introducing you to their family or where you could go on your first vacation together, be careful. They don’t know you at all, so building up your great future together is a red flag. Would you talk to a stranger at a bus stop about your future together? Remember, you’re on a first date with a stranger. Also remember that it’s easy to get seduced by the sound of the future they describe, but don’t be fooled. You can’t imagine a future together until there’s a relationship.


If you experience any of the above on a first date, it’s a red flag. Move on to someone who doesn’t display ANY red flags.


What are some of the first date red flags you look for? Comment below and let us all know!


This blog was originally published on Psychology Today.


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